i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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