Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize