I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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