you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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