I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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