I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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