At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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