we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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