that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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