I got chris browned last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize