I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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