Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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