saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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