Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize