im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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