You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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