I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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