Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize