a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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