I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize