I cut my penus on the lid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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