I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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