I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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