Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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