looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize