God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
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Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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