A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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