babies were throwing up all over the place
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize