i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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