is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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