U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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