dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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