my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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