Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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