Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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