His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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