LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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