You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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