They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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