just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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