sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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