i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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