billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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