I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my shit smells like andre
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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