It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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