it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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