was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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