i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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