your parents love me but you hate me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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