I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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