Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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